Time is an interesting thing. A lot can happen in a short amount of it. A moment can change everything. One phone call, a lack of a phone call, something you said that you wish you could take back, something you didn’t say, roads taken and roads abandoned. Each thing has the power to change the future so drastically that one cannot help but wonder what could have been.
I just finished watching a movie in which the characters go back in time to alter the past so that they come back to the present day living a better life. Sometimes I wish it were that easy. I often wonder if I would have a better life, if certain things had not happened in the past, the way that they did. Some are obvious. If I had finished school, I would probably have a better, higher income job. If I had not had my son as a single woman, would I have already been married and had more kids by now? I wonder that, but at the same time wonder ”Would my life be as rewarding without my amazing son to brighten my days?” It is a tough debate, but obviously I could not imagine my life without him. I wonder if I hadn’t met certain people (friends and acquaintances) would I be who I am today? Do I even like the person I am today? Of course, we all have things we would change, but if one minor life experience hadn’t happened, would all my negative qualities outweigh the good? (Currently, I don’t think they do.) I think if we begin to see life as a quest to find or create ourselves rather, then every experience becomes a lesson, and every person in it a teacher. I have made many bad decisions and many good decisions, and sometimes its difficult to tell the difference. Things haven’t always turned out the way I imagined, but I learn lessons from every necessary thing that happens in my life. Hindsight is always perfect vision and if we are smart shows us the way we should act in the future.
Timing is everything. I really think some great things happen to us at the wrong times. Paradoxically, horrible things happen to us at the worst times. When it rains it pours. You may meet the right person at the wrong time or be ready to meet someone and they never come. You may be given a great opportunity, but not ready in your mind and heart to accept or recognize it. These are all lessons to be learned. Everything happens for a reason. There are battles we have to fight, villains we have to face. There will be times when we win and times when pieces of us are stolen. There are things that nobody can teach you, you just have to experience and feel them for yourself. Some of these events change us for the better, and others leave us gun-shy. Though I say that timing is everything, when it comes to love, I believe that the timing doesn’t matter. You create the time if it comes down to it.
I know this started out being about time travel, but my last 2 sentences really got my head spinning. (In 2 directions mind you!) For timing in love is something. There is no length of time. It isn’t rushed. Sometimes it isn’t recognizable. I didn’t know that I truly loved my fiancé for quite some time after he already loved me. I think I was finding every reason to avoid it. Love is scary, honestly. Those things that keep us from loving are self made, based on our life experiences. Because of the many years of heartache, I experienced in the past, I am able to fully appreciate the loving relationship I am now in. I truly am grateful to God for all my unanswered prayers, and answering them by allowing Brandon to come into my life when he did.
The following quote is by Neil Gaiman and I sure love all his quotes. If you’re ever bored go read them. He speaks from the heart.
“I’ve been making a list of the things they don’t teach you at school. They don’t teach you how to love somebody. They don’t teach you how to be famous. They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. They don’t teach you anything worth knowing.”
So back to the main idea: If I could go back in time and change things, would I? I think knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t. I am happy where I am at, and looking back has never allowed anyone to move forward.
What would you do?